


A Mattress On Wheels

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Series: A Bag Of Bash For Passion [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: British Comedy, Car Sex, Comedy, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gay Sex, Humor, Humorous Ending, M/M, Romantic Comedy, Sex, Sex in a Car, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23441374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Jun is finding it hard to have a private place to lovingly and erotically seduce Minghao and sets about persuading the 95 line to buy a "love-mobile".
Relationships: Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: A Bag Of Bash For Passion [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678627
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	A Mattress On Wheels

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shuninara (ninani)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninani/gifts).



> A thank you and a blessing to Shuninara for always commenting and liking my work; I don't know what I'd do without your comments. With every one for me it's a euphoric, energizing jolt of bright sonic warmth. So many words, but it's true. Anyhow, I hope I haven't offended you in any way, and I hope you like this  
> :)

_How is this even real?_ Joshua looked aghast at the renovated funeral hearse which now had a made-up mattress in it, curtains all around the windows, Frank Sinatra jazz playing from the CD player in the dashboard, and a fully stocked box of...equipment inside the boot lid door. It was now branded...now way on earth. Joshua shook his head, remembering the names that had been sprouted. No girl - or boy - would consensually get into a vehicle called "The Love Mobile". Joshua thought it sounded like a Beatles song; if John Lennon and Paul McCartney had been horny, that was.

"We had a bit of help with the idea." Jeonghan said.

"Who from?" Joshua asked.

"Apparently, this is a thing in England." Jeonghan swallowed, bit, suddenly, he grinned. "Amazing what you can find out from five minutes of watching subtitles on the BBC."

Joshua rolled his eyes, and then buried his face in his hands. "That'd be right." He mumbled. He looked up at Jeonghan.

"But Jun can't drive."

"Yes, he can. He has a Korean driving licence." Jeonghan said. Joshua blinked.

"Yeah, to drive vehicles A, B and C." Joshua said. He pointed at the hearse. "But I don't think it allows a fucking mattress on wheels."

_**FIVE DAYS EARLIER:** _

Jun gazed adoringly at Minghao sleeping on the couch in the sitting room. "Shh, come on." Vernon's voice said very softly. Jun turned around to see Vernon behind him. "Don't wake him up. Come with me."

Jun appreciated Vernon just then; it washed over him like an epiphany. They - Jun and Minghao - had got into a fight earlier. Minghao was now worn out from it. It wasn't really a fight. Minghao had checked his instagram early in the morning on a day that was a day of rest. A sex-ship between he and Joshua had been trending all over Twitter and Instagram, because "fans" said it looked like - one sly bit of film made by the press - that when Minghao had been hugging Joshua from behind at a event, it looked like he was rubbing a hard-on into Joshua's backside. Minghao had done his nut over it. While he had howled over it in Mandarin, Jun yelled too in Mandarin, a complete solidarity and agreement to how Minghao felt; flustered, embarrassed, uncomfortable.

Despite everything, a lot of the others had thought it hilarious. They hid their laughing faces away in their shirts and hands and other members chests so Minghao wouldn't get further antagonized.

"Where did it all come from? You and him?" Vernon asked. They stood in the hall. Jun ducked his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. Vernon got the hint. He asked if Jun was hungry.

"Yeah, we could get something." Jun replied.

"Actually, that's probably a better idea."

"Hey?"

"I was going to ask Mingyu how to use the oven but he'd probably say I'm too dumb." Vernon grinned, messing up his hair at the back.

Jun rolled his eyes. He gave a half-smile. Vernon wasn't inadequate like that at all. "You're not dumb." He ducked his head again. "I've got to tell you something."

Vernon and Jun went to the nearest half-decent Chinese restaurant and got a take-away; they found a spot to eat at a heavily graffitied skate park. Jun and Vernon sat on the edge of one of the concrete slopes, the smell of special fried rice and dim sum and soy sauce filling up the air in-between them. After a few minutes, so did Vernon's hysterical laughter and swearing in English.

"Alright, well leave that bit to Coups and Josh and Hannie." Vernon resolved. "But, when we get back - providing Hao's still asleep - lean down and whisper in his ear -" Vernon leaned close to Jun and told him. "And then move away. Let him wake up and dream and have his conscience torture him with it."

"This is the American seduction technique?" Jun asked, eyebrows lifted.

"Oh, no, I got it from the 1975." Vernon replied.

Jun rolled his eyes. "You like Brits don't you?" 

"Yeah." Vernon grinned.

When they got home, Minghao was still asleep on the couch. He had rolled over in his sleep so his front was facing towards the outwards of the sitting room. Jun knelt cautiously on the floor and moved in towards Minghao's body. He was able to smell Minghao's deodorant and the soap he used to wash his hair. "I like it when you sleep," Jun murmured into Minghao's ear in Mandarin. "For you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it."

Jun got up very carefully and moved away. He didn't see Minghao's eyes open to half-lids and smile at the spot on the floor where Jun had just been kneeling.

_**FOUR DAYS EARLIER:** _

"It's insane." Joshua said to Jeonghan. They were lying together in Joshua's bed; it was half-ten at night, and the other members that Joshua shared his room with were still awake and watching the TV in the sitting room. They are only doing that was due to Vernon been out there and watching the British Formula 1 on the television. Joshua's bed was short and narrow. Joshua had one arm above his head and the other on the pillow by his ear. Jeonghan lay on his back beside him. His head was on Joshua's chest, and one of his legs was diagonally over Joshua's, the other leg nearly hanging out of the bed. They both looked at the ceiling; the only light in the room cane from a lamp on Joshua's bedside table with a broken shade.

"Minghao will kill him."

"Or he'll get Jun's Mum to kill him." Jeonghan said. "You know why Jun runs so fast? His Mother's chasing after him with a iron cricket bat."

Joshua chuckled.

"Seriously, all the world conflict could be resolved by Mrs Wen." Jeonghan continued. He mimicked a middle-aged woman's voice. "Iraq, put your head down. Keep it down. Bosnia, go to your room. America, give it back, you know it's not yours -"

Joshua burst out laughing. Jeonghan rolled over and grinned. "One more?" He quipped. Joshua nodded.

"England, stop bloody crying."

Joshua patted the top of Jeonghan's head. "Now, the Jun-wanting-to-fuck-Hao's-brains-out-issue." Jeonghan settled against Joshua's body. Joshua sighed. "What does he want a van for?"

"More room than a car." Jeonghan responded. Joshua hummed.

"You can tie people up easier in a van." Jeonghan remarked. "Shove something up inside them." Joshua told him to shut up.

_**THREE DAYS EARLIER:** _

"Don't worry about what Shua says; don't worry about him worrying." Seungcheol said to Jeonghan, catching him in the changing rooms that backed onto one their main dance studios at the Plexus company headquarters before everyone else came in. He dropped a wink. "Of course we're goanna help Jun with this. We'll just do it ourselves." He looked around. "My brother and his girlfriend have got it organized." He added in a whisper into Jeonghan's ear.

Jeonghan texted Jun. "What are we going to use for the inside?" He asked Seungcheol.

"Oh, me and Jun worked that out." Seungcheol said. "We're going to use the mattress from the spare bedroom."

"That's disgusting." Jeonghan scowled. "It'll need airing."

_**PRESENT:** _

Jeonghan and Joshua's mouths both fell open at the sight before them. Getting very slowly - and jerkingly - around the corner was a gleaming Blsck funeral hearse, driven by Seungcheol with a beaming Jun in the passenger seat. It took Joshua a second to realize that the reason the vehicle's steering was so fucked was because Seungcheol couldn't operate it's manual drive gear-box. Jeonghan's hand covered his mouth.

"He fucking said - Cheol fucking said that his brother had a van." Jeonghan said. "To me, to you - whatever with Jun. A van. Like - what even is that?" Jeonghan pointed at the hearse.

"Generally used for dead bodies rather than anal sex." Joshua replied faintly, his tone gone from sheer shock. He and Jeonghan both flinched as the hearse backfired, and the acrid smell of engine fuel filled the air. It pulled up at the curb by their feet. Jun leant out of the passenger window...after he rolled it down.

"How old is it?" Jeonghan nearly squawked.

"It's fine, Mum, it's alright." Seungcheol called out proudly to Jeonghan. Jeonghan crossed his arms.

"Jun?"

Jun beamed. Nothing could ruin his high.

"1972 model Ford." He said. He climbed out of the passenger seat side of the vehicle. He hugged both Joshua and Jeonghan. They hugged Jun back - he seemed happy, and it was his insane mission after all - but they both glared at Seungcheol over Jun's shoulders and the roof of the hearse.

_They'll have a accident in that wreck!_ Joshua mouth, his eyebrows knitting together.

_Minghao won't have sex with him in this!_ Jeonghan added in his ten pence worth _. I wouldn't!_

Joshua and Jeonghan waited until Jun disappeared, going back to inside the apartment block. They didn't say a word until they saw Jun go into the elevator.

"Come and look!" Seungcheol told them enthusiastically. "My brother and my girlfriend did all of this. It's incredible!"

"You don't think?" Jeonghan quipped.

 _How is this even real?_ Joshua looked aghast at the renovated funeral hearse which now had a made-up mattress in it, curtains all around the windows, Frank Sinatra jazz playing from the CD player in the dashboard, and a fully stocked box of...equipment inside the boot lid door. It was now branded...now way on earth. Joshua shook his head, remembering the names that had been sprouted. No girl - or boy - would consensually get into a vehicle called "The Love Mobile". Joshua thought it sounded like a Beatles song; if John Lennon and Paul McCartney had been horny, that was.

"We had a bit of help with the idea." Jeonghan said.

"Who from?" Joshua asked.

"Apparently, this is a thing in England." Jeonghan swallowed, bit, suddenly, he grinned. "Amazing what you can find out from five minutes of watching subtitles on the BBC."

Joshua rolled his eyes, and then buried his face in his hands. "That'd be right." He mumbled. He looked up at Jeonghan.

"But Jun can't drive."

"Yes, he can. He has a Korean driving licence." Jeonghan said. Joshua blinked.

"Yeah, to drive vehicles A, B and C." Joshua said. He pointed at the hearse. "But I don't think it allows a fucking mattress on wheels."

"Joshuji, why are you worrying?" Jeonghan came up to Joshua and held his face in his hands.

Joshua put his hands around Jeonghan's wrists and pulled them away from him, but he wasn't actually cross. It was just too absurd for words. "Be an idiot like me and Cheol. Look on the bright side. We can tell all this stuff to our kids one day." Jeonghan smiled brightly.

................

"Oh, fuck!" Jun said as his back hit the roof of the hearse. He looked down at Minghao in the illuminated orange light from the strings of fey lights wounded about the line of the ceiling on the interior of the hearse. He was kneeling in-between Minghao's legs, both young men trying to shift around and get their clothes off. "You should have taken off your clothes before we got in here." Despite his slightly sore head - he had hit that too - Jun found himself wonderstruck by Minghao's smile.

"You're a nutcase." Minghao told him. He slowly pushed down the waistband of his jeans and underwear, revealing all of himself, absolutely naked. Jun's chest hitched at the sight. "And this is insane. But it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."

Minghao frowned as Jun winced. "Are you alright?"

"No, I've just realized." Jun said in a painful tone. "You can't ride me."

Minghao chuckled. Jun's head spun at the sight. "There's plenty of other stuff we can do." He drew Jun down into his embrace and kissed him on the mouth.

In the distance through binoculars, Joshua, Jeonghan, Seungcheol wondered why the hearse they were watching through s hedge wasn't bouncing up and down or moving side to side on it's suspension after forty-five minutes of been parked in the middle of the green beneath the evergreen plantations.

**Author's Note:**

> Instagram: @theartoftootimingyou


End file.
